I am trying to be strong

I am trying to be strong
but it seems my strength has eluded me
it walked away from me when
I lost this fight for your love


I am trying to be strong
to wake up each morning and
welcome the sunrise
knowing time won’t stop
to grieve with me


I am trying to be strong
to play the role of
a responsible adult and teach my
students about the language of life
but my eyes are too honest
I know they smile for me
I know they know their teacher’s heart is waning


I am trying to be strong
as I drive around the neighborhood
killing time as I try to look for my laughter
maybe I left it
on the street corner
or misplaced it by the bus stop

I am trying to be strong
as I put food in my mouth
my body has to feed
but my soul has been fasting
trying to cleanse a life I
thought I lived


I am trying to be strong as I unlock the front door
and go into the waking world
my body knows no sleep
my mind has been weary
my heart?
it is barely beating


I am trying to be strong
because I know nothing else but be


I am trying to be strong
for me.








April 30,2007(8:10 am )
englewood,nj


* My class was fortunate to receive a poetry writing workshop grant with a resident poet from Harlem,NYC. He introduced the technique of repetition to my students. As I was going through some tough shit myself, I wrote one line that I told my mother in one of those numerous overseas calls to home. I rarely write sappy stuff in English, but I have to let out this grief and corniness. How come I can never write verses when I am happy?